My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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