Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
