Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
