Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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