I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize