Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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