The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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