Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
