I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
