I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
