My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
