before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
