So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize