Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
