the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I understand Curling. That high.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
