You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
