she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
