look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
