Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
