we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
