Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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