I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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