we made out on top of his cat.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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