Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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