Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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