By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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