That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
