The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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