you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize