everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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