Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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