and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize