Tell her she can't have a vagina
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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