the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
