i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the condom got lost in my hair
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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