is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
