sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
