imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize