ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize