question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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