How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize