Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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