ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
