Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Watching her eat just hurts me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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