If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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