Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
