I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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