Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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