it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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