I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
