Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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