I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize