dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
