Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
