If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
