He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
