So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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