Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
