I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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