last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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