Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
