She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I party with great urgency now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
