So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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