ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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