Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I look better un-naked...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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