sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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