absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
